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Happy Jubilee? I’m alright thanks, sit down & shut up. [UNEDITED]

"The idea that one person, through their mere birth inheritance, can hold the highest public office in the country… that’s not compatible with democratic values"

So true.

This statement is my view on the entire monarchy put simply. Very simply, I admit. But in a nutshell, there you have it.  I am a staunch anti-Royalist and always have been. And yes, these beliefs were manifest long before I was introduced to the wonderful music of Morrissey or the Sex Pistols (haha).

My dislike for the Royal family, and therefore the Jubilee, Royal Wedding, or any other fanciful celebration goes beyond merely begrudging them my (or should I say, my parents’) hard earned money in the form of taxes… although now I’ve mentioned it, I do have something to say on that too. 

I have heard more times than I can possibly count over recent weeks that the Royals “only cost the UK taxpayer 62p a year”. What bullshit, I’m sorry. Do you honestly believe that to be true? How accurate is your source? Oh yeah, right. I just did a quick Google search, and that steaming pile of crap comes in at number 3 on the search results list. A wonderful article written back in 2006 (yes, you read correctly- 2k06), with the figure in question sourced from THE ROYAL HOUSEHOLD themselves. You bunch of amateurs. No further comment required.

Anyway, let’s not get carried away with the age old debate on whether the UK’s system of monarchy should be abolished.  Back to the issue at hand- the Royals themselves.  As a young Black (more specifically mixed race) girl who has the misfortune of having resided all her life in the United Kingdom, I cannot think of a single reason why I should be ‘a fan’ of the residents of the House of Windsor.

I cannot avoid mentioning Prince Phillip. The Duke of Edinburgh unfortunately suffers from an acute type of verbal diarrhoea that takes the form of racist slurs, which both his son Charles and grandson Harry have seemingly inherited. Between the three of them, they have come out with name-calling corkers like “Golliwog”, “Sooty”, “the fucker with the Black face” and “Paki”. Believe it or not, only the first name was directed at a Black person. The others were all directed at Indians or Pakistanis, just emphasising how little such people care to differentiate between Black and Asian people. So before either race claims that they are more ‘accepted’ by Whites than the other, just consider the fact that really, “us lot” are all the same to them. But then, they’re not overly keen of anyone with a bit of colour in their skin, are they? Check these Prince Charles quotes out:


  • China State Visit, 1986-  “If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed”
  • To an Aborigine in Australia- “Do you still throw spears at each other?”
  • To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea- “You managed not to get eaten, then?”
  • To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes- “You look like you’re ready for bed!”



But why would I be surprised? The Royal family has a history of racism. I admit, in recent years they’ve become less outright, the above quotes and episodes of name-calling being more subtle examples of their racism. Take it back a little though, let us be thorough. Let’s start with Lord Mountbatten (old Dukey’s uncle). He single-handedly created a mutiny between citizens of a country once called Indistan when Britain relinquished their control … under the pretence of trying to promote a ‘united Indistan’. United? Don’t make me laugh. Indians and Pakistanis are renowned for their dislike of one another. Although in all fairness, the media play their part most effectively. Not being Asian, I wouldn’t know the true extent of the situation, but what I do know is that ‘divide and conquer’ is not a method of oppression exclusively reserved for Black people. Clearly the Willie Lynch theory proved so successful in keeping my people in chains, in a state of mental slavery long after its supposed abolition that its use was extended to other races too.

Now I mention it, was it not the Royal family who granted traders permission to trade slaves in the first place? Good ‘ole Charles II was the one who set up the biggest British slave trading company, come to think of it. “Royal Adventures into Africa” it was called. I have nothing more to say on this, I feel sick to my stomach with anger and revulsion.

"Oh, but it’s not like that anymore! What an outdated and irrelevant argument." I hear you say. ‘Oh’ yourself- nothing’s changed, not really. Ever heard the phrase “old habits die hard”? I don’t think its use has ever been as perfectly fitting as it finds itself in this blog entry. Generations of Royals have found themselves ill-equipped to adapt to the supposedly changing attitudes of our great country. Was it my imagination, or did they not murder Princess Diana? Oops- so sorry. I forgot, it was a coincidence. A horrid, horrid accident. So tragic, old Queenie couldn’t sleep for a month. Guilty conscience, love? *cough, cough*

Moving on. Slips of tongue left, right and centre expose them and keep us “fuckers with Black faces” on our toes and knowing where we stand. Or not. It makes me sick to my stomach when I see Black and Asian people decorating their houses with bunting and raising the Union Jack outside their homes. When I see little Black girls dressed in Union Jack tops by their delusional, imbecilic mothers. When I see the Indian family over the road trying desperately to prove just how ‘British’ they are to impress the predominantly White locals.

Have you forgotten so quickly what this country has put you through? That these people brought your ancestors over here in chains, branded them with white hot irons and raped them of their language, religion and culture? Not to mention the literal rape of millions of women. Or that Muslims were framed for the US Government’s destruction of the Twin Towers, and as a result every Asian person got openly branded a terrorist on the grimy streets of this country? Or that they hate you passionately for “stealing their jobs” and “bleeding the government dry” by cheating the benefits system? That one is a particular favourite of mine, the poor, unintelligent dimwits. All people of ‘minority’ ethnic backgrounds seem to have brainwashed themselves into thinking that this school of thought no longer exists. Either that or they think they’re an exception. If you think that way, you need to have a word with God and see if you can exchange your brain for one with a few more cells as yours is evidently lacking. Sometimes the most respectable individuals in society turn out to be the least ‘tolerant’ of us. If you don’t already know this, I can promise you with my hand over my heart that you soon will. No-one can pin the truth to the ground.

So that’s why I most certainly have not been celebrating the Jubilee. I may have gone about explaining it in a rather long-winded way having gone off on several tangents, but I’m sure the essence of what I’m saying is unmistakeable.

Even if you do not come from a country which has been torn apart by the British monarchy, does it really give you pleasure to see your money being spent so indulgently in times of austerity? One tweet I saw on the #FucktheQueen trend summed it up perfectly for me: “ #fuckthejubilee#fucktheflag-wavingDaily-Mailreadingtwatswhoare celebratingtheseParasites”

Here we are again, once more arriving at the age old debate of whether or not having a monarchy is good for the country. “62p a year! That’s hardly breaking the bank, is it?” you say. “Don’t you know how much money they bring to England through tourism? They really boost our economy!”

Well fat lot of good it’s done. Look at the state of our economy now. In absolute tatters, with all hopes resting on a Jubilee celebration that costs more to host than it brings in tourism, and an Olympic Games which has cost the taxpayer £12bn SO FAR, meanwhile, cuts are being made to education, healthcare and the like. Ah well, I suppose that woman with cancer who didn’t get the best treatment possible because it was ‘too expensive’ can hold on a few years. Once the Olympics are over, our economy will have benefited so drastically that we will be able to undo cuts to the NHS. Let’s just hope she’s still living to see the day. Meanwhile, the true spirit of the Olympics is long dead.

As for the jubilee… it quite plainly shows the country at its most medieval, celebrating inherited privilege and conservatism (with a small ‘c’) instead of true democracy. Oh, and as for the influx in tourism we are supposedly expecting. Great- in theory. But I must confess to being thankful for residing outside of the capital this summer. My main man Prince CHARLIE summed that one up in one: “The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.” Thanks mate. I was struggling to wrap up.


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